Kippa

DJ Kippernicus, more often known as Kippa, was born sometime between the Second Crusade and the Irish Potato faminine, within the heart of Nigeria. After a storied youth, he went on to be known for his signature "Kippa Noise ," as well as his ability to spit hot fire.

Early Life
Kippa's birth date is unknown, however it is known that he was first discovered by King Jaja of Opobo within the heart of Nigeria. Jaja was mesmerized by the sheer paleness of the childs skin and although law demanded that he kill the child, he could not bring himself to do so.

Naming the child, Miggy Figgy, he took him into his household and began teaching him the honored African tradition of spitting fire on the mic. The young Miggart of Figgartson took to laying out whack MCs as if it was his life's calling; as if it he were some manner of chosen one. Truly, the rap game came as naturally to the young child as pigs feet and collard greens to a boy named Bubba.

Being an outsider, King Jaja was forced to school him in secret during the night. The prodigious Miglard Figlard's talent at spitting fire and his unnaturally pale skin did not go unnoticed, however. The light, strange and wonderful, freightened the common Nigerian folk. They began to demand blood and their insistance grew with each passing day to the point where not even Jaja could protect him.

Knowing that he must now part from the child he had come to know as son, Jaja made plans to send Migson Figson to Liverpool to stay with a business associate of his till he could change the mind of the locals and have him return home. His pale skin would allow him to live among these Englishmen as one of their own, but he must have a name to suit him as well.

Hiding him among a shipment of palm oil, he bestowed on him several items to remind him as to where he had come from and wrapped him in a blanket stitched with the name, "Kippart Figgart." A respectable English name. Little did the King know that only "Kippa" would survive the trip.

For many days the child tossed and turned, in a feverish state. He had never before left his native land of Africa and was now forced to embark upon the leaky barge to an island utterly unlike Nigeria. One night, when the coast of England was near, Kippart, in a fevered dream, began to spit fire in his sleep. The unaware crew had no idea of the commotion going on below decks until the heat of the childs fire ignited the shipement of palm oil. By then it was too late.



The Irish Years
The fire had burnt fierce and the ship and it's compliment had been consumed by it or the relentless sea. However, one child yet survived. How he lived, or how long he spent being lashed by the waves before landing upon the rocky shore far from his original destination is unknown.

There he was found by young Irishman by the name of John Sullivan. Forced to the shores to try his hand at fishing by the potato famine, he took the child back to his wife, Mary. There the Sullivan's searched for anything that might tell them of where child had come from, but found only a singed blanket bearing only the word "Kippa."

Catholicism
As the years went by not only did Kippa grow, but so did his family, adding at least 37 children to their ranks. Kippa was, however, always the problem child. Haunted by his unknown origins and past as well as his desire to wreck whack MCs, he would constantly act out. Wearing his trousers below his wasit line, not combing his hair, and frequently disregarding authority.

The final straw came when after a particularly heated moment of rebellion his mother asked him, "What in all that's right is wrong with ye? Do ye not know Jaysus as yer Lord?!" Dumbfounded for a few moments, Kippa replied almost instictually,

"Baby, I stack paper to the ceiling and get dat henny! I spit fire and get paid! And if you mad, lemme tell you something: Jaysus ain't coming, he's just breathing real hard. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"

The end of this rant also marked the first utterance what would become his signature, "Kippa Noise ."

Following the three hour rant by his parents proclaiming him to be a, "Demon child" and "A whack MC," he was immeadily sent to the Vatican for special training. What happened there is largely unkown as any information regarding the years and years he spent as a Vatican ward is highly censored an classified. In fact, there is no record of Kippa's stay at the Vatican at all. Instead there are only mentions of something reffered to as "Project Penitence ," the contents of which remain unknown.

We're All Living In America
Kippa finally returned to Ireland in the winter of 1939 following the outbreak of World War II. With the British Isles being part of the Allied Powers and Rome residing within Italy, a part of the Axis, Kippa's time in the Pope's new army came to an end.

Now a young man, and a proper practicing Catholic, Kippa's return was a point of happiness and joy comapred to the years of strife in Ireland. It has also been very well timed, for Kippa's family had grown tired of, as they put it, "The oppresive boot of england pressed against our necks." and would soon collectively say, "Fuck it, i'm out."

Most of the children of the family had gone over to England support the war effort, not showing the same callous disregard for the English as their parents, and would be left behind. As Kippa's father had put it, "Those dime plated nickel pushers can rot fer all I care." The family, once numbering more then 300 souls living in the same 1 bedroom house, would be reduced to the 4 youngest children, and Kippa.

It was around this time Kippa finally started developing the features that would sit with him for the rest of his life, the same features that would bring him ridicule for years to come. It first caused trouble for the upon their arrival at Ellis Island. Things had preceded smoothly thus far. They'd been deloused, and depotatoed, but at the final inspection of their well being and eligibility to stay in the US, there was something about Kippa that held up the entire process. As Stanley Wallace, Chief Immigration Officer, put it later in his log:

"In my tenure I had seen the worst of people. Disease, disfigurement, niggers, and even a Maine lobster trying to pass himself off as Jew fleeing German prosecution. Most of them are a simple case. Come on in, or stay on the boat but this family...that boy. Kippa. He...he just. Well there's really only one way to put it: 'Them Lips is Huge!!!"

The family's entry into the US through Ellis Island was rejected. Luckily instead of being denied completely, they were instead sent to the much looser port of Baltimore. After a bit of hassle, and more then a bit of animosity toward their big lipped freak of a son, the family settled down in Maryland.

While John and Mary found work, Kippa, the oldest son, was constantly denied work due to the predjudicies of the time. The only way he could help support his family was to become a door to door communion wafer salesmen. Times were hard.

For years Kippa etched out a living by way of his suitcase of wafers and his oversized lips, enduring ridicule and resentment from strangers and his own family alike, until the times finally changed. It was a new era and finally people were becoming more accepting. And then, tragedy.

One normal night after a day of communion, Kippa put himself to sleep only to have a dream; a dream of his past. The flashes, the rhyme schemes, the henny, and most of all, the fire. Oh the fire. It was only the sirens that awoke him from his sumbler, and only then did he realize that the fire had not been a dream.

While the family remained uninjured, their home was burnt to the ground and the blame put on Kippa. He would have to find a better way of earning money to help his family get back on their feet, and more importantly, he would have to find a new outlet for his sick rhymes and lyrical gymnastics.

9th Grade
Going from business to business, the answer was always the same: your irish education don't mean dick. Taking drastic measures, the now almost fully grown Kippa, would have to enroll in school. And so it was that he entered the Maryland Public Education System, in the 9th grade.

While the outside world was becoming more accepting, inside the walls of a school, with all it's cliques and rampant immaturity, Kippa was once again ridiculed because of his lips and only being able to afford wallpaper shirts. There was only one man who saw something in the boy and looked out for him. A former rap money mogul by the name of Fitz G's.

Fitz had read up on his background and knew about the family fire caused by "unknown circumstances." Fitz, however, was no stranger to playing the game and immediately recognized Kippa's dormant ability to light up the microphone. It was then that he approached him.

Kippa was at first fearful of the wise MC. Throughout his life his ability had only caused those around him hardship and anguish, but Fitz Gizzle was insistent. He believed in the big lipped Catholic and told him he only need harness his rhymes into a poetical stream of paper, henny, and street cred. Kippa could not refuse.

Over the next few weeks Fitz and Kippa worked on his figurative freestyle and awakening the dormant power within him under the pretense of lessons in "programming." Fitz had been right, the boy was a natural. In fact, after just a few short weeks it had become clear Kippa's rap game ability surpassed even that of Fitz, and the time had come where Kippa would have to move on. Luckily, Fitz new a man who he was sure could bring out Kippa's full potential: HA²$ aka Haas Mesiter Yole.

When Fitz "Get Money, Get Paid" G's first told Kippa that he had learned all he could from him, the young Catholic was angry and hurt. Fitz had been his mentor and had been the first to believe in him. Fitz comforted him saying, "Quit being a bitch, nigga." That had made him feel better.

He further went on to explain to that he had noticed something different about the fire Kippa had been spitting in their weeks together; something about the temperature Fitz couldn't put his finger on, but he assured Kippa that Haas would know for certain. Reluctantly Kippa accepted his enrollment into Haas' tutelage, under the guise of an Algebra class. Little did he know, that everything would change for him that year.

Hot Fire
Haas was already a legend. The greatest MC, DJ, Rapper, and Paleontogist to ever play the game. To date, he was the only man alive who had mastered the mythical art of Spitting Hot Fire.

When Kippa first walked into the class room he was in awe. The man seemed to be looking at nothing in particular, but it was obvious to anyone that he could see all that was going on around him at all times. He turned to Kippa and said to him, "Hey dair ______." Kippa couldn't understand the last word he'd said. As he described it, "It was like the answer to a question that'd been plaguing you for years, but you couldn't quite understand it." When asked to repeat what he'd said, he simply shook his head and said, "When ya's ready, turkey." He then promptly told Steven, "What the hell ya doing here?! This ain't ya class!" The robot penised youth, then exploded.

Kippa took his seat in the class and looked over at the motley group that'd been assembled. He'd heard of many of them before. There was: Calculator Keith, Jahn Poltergeist, Chain Mail Chuck , and Sea Bitch , to name a few.

However, he'd been seated next to two people he didn't know and found extremely curious. First there was the one named B-ry. Enrolled in a class for potential rap stars, he was more preocupied with drawing rodents all day and flexing his freakish thumb. It was impossible to look at him directly, for he was paler even then Kippa. The light that came off of him was burning, almost...something.

The other man was the only negro he'd seen in the since Nigeria. He was a corpulent man and called himself Fat Black Man. Within his eyes, Kippa could see a rage unlike any he had known in his entire life. It burned...what was the word he was looking for? Haas had put him exactly where he needed to be.

Months into the class Kippa, FBM, and B-ry had struck a close friendship and formed what would be known as, The Crew. One day FBM leaned over to Kippa and said to him, "Playboy, everyone else in here has got a handle, but you goin' by your real name. Mmm Mmm baby. You goin have to be, oh what? DJ Kippernicus"

In that moment a legend was born. Returning to his broken down house each night, his family took note that his behavior was growing more and more erratic. He would say things like, "whack" and "shiiiiiieeet" and say phrases such as "you ain't gonna do not a got damn thing," and "That shits from Egypt ."

Having had enough of it, the strict Catholic family confronted him once again, just as they had done all those years ago. Shouting things such as, "You're no son of mine!" or "Who do you think you are?!" Kippa remained calm and let them finish. Once they had settled down he calmly stood up. Suddenly his path was clear. Who he was and what he must do were as clear as day.

"Guiey, I'm DJ Kippernicus. I spit hot fire!!! "

The light from resulting freestyle he laid down could be seen for miles. The fire he spit was so hot, it completely burnt away any semblence of street cred his family had once known. But it did not harm them. This was the controlled spitting of a master. The heavens opened up, and henny rained down.

Present
From that moment on Kippa went on to become one of the greatest rappers ever in the game. His unparalled ability to spit hot fire assured that he was be a force to be reckoned with for years to come and as co-owner fo The Crew Records, he was indeed stacking paper to the ceiling.

Currently Kippa spends his days getting money and getting paid in the company of close friends such as his Jedi Cohort, Princess Sister Rainbow Jedi, The Jedi, FBM, B-ry, and The Fiend.

When he's not spinning a lyrical web of death to any rapper that steps to him, he enjoys drinking peach mango smoothies, and modeling his signature wallpaper shirts, and pallies.

Discogprahy

 * Miggy Figgy
 * Penitence
 * Buckets (To be released)